The 12 Days of Blogmas: You’re The Inspiration

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Happy Holidays! That disenchanted child with the bowl cut, groovy parka and look of “I gotta get the hell out of here” is me. The poor tortured young boy trying desperately to make an escape is my little brother. Ain’t Christmas grand? Mild trauma aside, I sincerely do love the holidays. I like flashing lights and glitter and candy. I’m a former raver so sue me. I love the holidays so much I’ve written a  brand new short story about Christmas which is being published this week. (more on that later)  Plus, I love using the holidays as a time to reflect and be grateful. Speaking of reflection, UrtheInspiration is taking the next twelve days to reflect back on some of my favorite blog posts of 2012. Sure, a greatest hits is a lazy way to post new content without having to actually write anything new and that’s part of it. But on the 12th day, December 23rd, this here little old blog will celebrate one year in BlogLand. Hooray!

So to get things started why not start at the beginning?  My first post, You’re the Inspiration, tells what I’m all about and what the blog hopes to accomplish. This inaugural post tells my story how I wound up blogging.  At the time I wrote:

“Oddly enough it was admitting that everything was supremely fucked up and having the courage to laugh about it,  that made everything okay.  So that in short, is why this blog exists. Sharing a laugh or talking about uncomfortable things makes me feel better.  And maybe I can do that for you too.  Hopefully others who are addicted or positive or heartbroken will read this and believe me from the bottom of my heart that everything, will in fact, be okay.”

Almost a year into this wonderful journey, this mission statement remains the same. But I now get inspired and laugh and love all of the people who read my stuff and whom I read too. We’ve created a little circle of support and I’m so grateful.  On December 23, 2011, writing all of this personal, emotional stuff down seemed like a terrifying thing to do and it still is. But now I know it was absolutely the right thing to do too. Without any further hubbub, please enjoy the first day of Blogmas with You’re the Inspiration.

 

Maybe it’s not the holidays that suck. Maybe it’s me.

I seriously over planned what I was doing for my first holiday season sober. I made arrangements to leave Los Angeles and spend ten days in Arizona at my parent’s house. There I would hide out and wouldn’t be tempted to get drunk or do drugs. Yet little did I know, I didn’t need to go to all that effort. The fact was, the program was really working and I wasn’t in danger of relapsing. My sponsor at the time told me, “Boo, you don’t need to worry about the holidays. You need to worry about Tuesday.” He was trying to get me to see that I could relapse any day of the week if I wasn’t actively treating my disease and it wasn’t just Christmas or New Year’s that was going to trigger it. Also, I was starting to see that it wasn’t people or days of the week or stuff that made me get drunk. The cause for most of my problems was me. Figuring this out sucked actually. If I’m the problem, then that means I can’t blame anybody else? Lame. But seriously, it’s liberating now that I’ve accepted that the only person “out to get me” is me.  And despite hiding out during my first Christmas sober, I really had a great time. I baked cookies with my mom and watched movies with my dad and generally made the decision to enjoy myself without alcohol or drama.

So today I know that holidays or train rides or Tuesdays are just as wonderful or miserable as I decide they will be.