stay on path

Why, hello! Fancy bumping into you here.  I wish I had some incredible story to share as to why I haven’t been blogging as much. It seems like there should be an amazing trip to France or some fancy career thing happening but the truth is it’s just life happening. It’s gotten big and busy. Which I guess is a miracle enough. The fact that I have relationships, work and passions is incredible. I’m trying these days not to fall into the gross American habit of saying “busy” like it’s some handicap. Like having a life and being busy is something people should feel sorry for me about. Or being busy allows me to be a douche or gives me a free pass to be eternally cranky. The tricky thing about having a life, however, is staying focused and on track.  IMG_0479

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated his birthday by going to the Denver Botanic Gardens and the above sign was all over the place. Obviously, put in place so folks didn’t trample the pretty plants and flowers. The brazen bunnies and squirrels didn’t pay much attention to it but they live there so they kinda  get go wherever they want, signs be damned. The message of the sign, although intended to prevent botanical homicide, resonated with me. Currently, I’m collaborating on a poetry anthology, co-producing a bi-monthly showcase of new works, editing two monologues to appear in said showcase, handling the PR and marketing for Horse & Cart’s new production, working on my third full-length play and contributing to 3 blogs. And an awesome part-time job that forces me to get dressed up and interact with humans. I also have two demanding manageable conditions that need treatment daily, a marriage to cherish and cultivate and relationships to nurture to the best of my ability. Oh– and I’m also moving into a cute little duplex in November. So yeah. Boo hoo. My life is awesome. But I’d be lying if I said I handled it all flawlessly in a uber organized manner. Kind of the opposite. It seems like I get an avalanche of projects, have few days of “Holy Shit!’ and then somehow or another it gets done. All of it. It helps when I remember that I’m a writer and that I’m not saving lives. I’m just creating stuff which hopefully people will enjoy and some of it even pays me!

rule breaking bunny

I can also avoid the “overwhelmed by enormously important business” trap if I remember what my path is. Staying sober, helping others and continuing to grow as a creative person seems like a simple enough path for me to follow. Everything else falls into place when I’m on that path. I recently ended a longtime stint as a copywriter and content creator. Naturally, more doors have opened with that out of the way. More opportunities to help people and do creative projects I want to do have presented themselves too. It all feels easy and not stressful.  I have to remember to be grateful for my big full busy crazy life and it should be treated as a gift if I wanna hang onto it.  And if I need to get off the path, not return some phone calls and just hang out in the shade for a few minutes like the little rulebreaker pictured above, that’s okay too.

Amgios y Amigas, how do you stay on path? What’s your path? And how do you avoid feeling overwhelmed? Share with me in the comments section below!

The Rabbit Habit

Once upon a cracked-out time, your’s truly hopped up the bunny trail that was a steep Capitol Hill street near my friend’s apartment. I swayed and sashayed as I had been awake for days.  I noticed something miraculous on the small grassy patch near the building’s steps.

Three fat, round white rabbits lay sleeping in the wee hours of the morning!  From where I was walking they looked like plump lop eared bunnies straight out of some Easter special. So imagine my surprise when I got closer and I realized they weren’t rabbits at all. It was three garbage-stuffed, white plastic grocery bags with their handles tied together. And thus began the ending of my relationship with crystal meth.

I had what I wistfully like to refer to as my summer of meth. Like the summer of love or the summer of 69. But with crank bought from sketchy dudes at all night bowling alleys. It was actually probably closer to two summers but who’s to say because when you’re using crystal meth everything seems to last a lot longer than it should. It’s hard to fathom that I had a relationship with crystal meth in the first place. I mean, me of the daily long naps and the intricately delicious meals was somehow dragged into a world of zero sleep and no food? How was it possible? Oh because I’m an addict that’s right. More proof positive that crystal meth was bad news for me is while high on that drug I favored smoking menthol cigarettes and drinking gin and tonics. What. The. Hell.  When the most white trash drug in the world can turn me into an old black lady, things are not okay. That whole lifestyle was so hilariously awful that it is truly befuddling. The best part about meth, because there are so many wonderful things, was the that while using it I could drink even more without getting messy. But when my little crystal crew all became paranoid and some of us stopped talking to one another and then I saw the not bunnies, I decided to get out while I could.

It popped up in my life in Los Angeles here and there but amazingly I learned my lesson. Or learned there were drugs I liked more. Like booze. I guess I’m grateful for the rabbit apparition. I’ve met hundreds of people in the program whose lives have been destroyed by that drug and it is no joke. I somehow escaped it’s death grip and that’s pretty miraculous.