Oh Cookie, Where Art Thou?

After 8 days, 3 bunches of kale, 4 different homemade vegan soups, 1 bag with Swiss Chard in every color of the rainbow and 7 bananas, it happened. I made sweet passionate love with a piece of chocolate mousse cake last night. And I loved it.

So yes that giant thud you heard last night was me falling off the Sugar-Free Wagon. But don’t worry that one mighty delicious slice of decadence didn’t send me into a tailspin. I didn’t wake up at 3am and wait for the donut shop to open nor did I take multiple breaks to shove peanut M&Ms in my mouth. Mainly because there isn’t a donut shop near my house and I currently don’t have any M&Ms. Kidding. No, the cake in question was a sweet reward for braving the snow and freezing cold to run a crazy errand for the husband. The crazy thing is that since I haven’t had sugar in over a week, it tasted special like something to savor, eat slowly and enjoy. That’s exactly what I did.

As I’ve mentioned, my ride on the Sugar Free Express is motivated by feeling better and wanting shed a little weight. I have food addicts in my family and I know how hard that addiction is. For me, my occasional tendency to over do it with food is just part of my obsessive, addictive, alcoholic nature. So it behooves me to keep my relationship in check. I’m a foodie, avid cook, restaurant follower and food blog reader but I know to enjoy those things I need balance too. And oddly enough this is how I know I’m an alcoholic. I could never have one drink without it unleashing a shit storm of more, more and more.”Balance”, “every now and then” or “a healthy relationship” are words I could never apply to my drinking. Normalcy with alcohol was a thing I was able never to achieve and I’m so glad I don’t have delusions otherwise.

Today, healthy me was back on track. I had fruit for breakfast. I cooked a lentil soup. I had a spinach salad with homemade dressing and walnuts. Did I joke about eating a plate of cookies for dinner? Sure. But that was the end of it. And that’s fabulous. A day not spent chasing cookies or drugs or alcohol or sex or shopping is certainly a day well spent.

Sweetox: Saying Sayonara to Sugar..for now

Like a typical junkie, I tend to overdue everything. Over the last month, I chomped down  cookies, cupcakes, brownies, pie and candy like I was Pac-man nibbling my way around a maze filled with desserts. And as with my other vices, sugar makes me feel good but it doesn’t last forever and soon I’m hungover, lathargic and feeling worthless. So The Mister and I decided after the holidays, we’d take a sugar sabatacle.

After getting sober from drugs and alcohol, I know that kicking a habit takes willingness and honesty. I had to ask myself, am I honestly willing to say goodbye to sugar and all it’s lovely bi-products and to try to stay sugar-free one day at a time? My answer was uh, for now. Having relapsed and not following through on everything from cocaine to The Artist’s Way, I’m realistic about ending my romance with sugar. I know that I’m going to want gelato or a brownie at some point and I am not going to kick the crap out of myself for it.   Besides, a bag of Oreos never made me take off my clothes in random places.  I’m mainly looking to balance my relationship with sugar and feel better in the process.  I take it moment by moment and so far it’s been good. The husband and I are eating more veggies, not going out to eat and have exorcised the sugar demons from our apartment.  There’s lots of kale, legumes and beets in this house which means all kinds of crazy things are happening with my body so that’s exciting. Plus, without sugar I’m having crazy, vivid dreams and sleeping more soundly.  We’ve also decided we’re trying it for a month and seeing how we feel. He, as always, is  wonderfully supportive and will indulge me when I whine about wanting cake and I do the same for him.

Mainly, my experience in recovery has taught me that with a spiritual program and willingness all things are possible. So the sweetness in my life, both figurative and the kind that comes from the kind people at Reese’s,  are gifts to enjoy and it’s up to me to do so with both gratitude and boundaries.