Bjork, Nachos & God

When I used to fall into a tricky little hole called depression or the neighboring, less threatening hole named sadness, the tool I used to get out was my old pal liquor. Liquor, I thought, could make a ladder to help pull me out. What it did, though, every single time was fill the hole with more chaos until I was not only stuck in a hole but also drowning. Recently, the ladders I had to use to pull me out were of a different variety to say the least.

bjork

Sometimes pop music transcends pop music and while listening to “All is Full of Love” by Bjork, I finally heard something I have needed to hear for weeks. Like a lot of incredible songs in my life, this one showed up in my headphones and out of nowhere it told me the truth.

You’ll be given love
You’ll be taken care of
You’ll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at

Twist your head around
It’s all around you
All is full of love
All around you

I’ve  heard this song a million times but it wasn’t until now that it really shook me to the core. After a difficult month involving a creative breakup, some financial uncertainty and a batch of sad news, I had fallen down a hole. I knew it too. My first instinct was to panic and freak out and try to frantically dig my way out. I’m sober and I always thought feeling sad or being depressed was who I was and not who I am. But the truth is, I am a human and sometimes my life is sucky or hard or fucking sad. And this last month was one of those times. What I did know is that I needed to go through it, no matter how long it took. I have been relying on meetings, bad TV and nachos to pull me out. But mainly, and not to sound like some horrible coffee mug that you’d get at an inspirational bookstore, I’ve needed God as my ladder. (Country song idea #51: God is My Ladder) The fact is that all of this seemed to heavy or too overwhelming and too fucking much.I kept up my prayer and mediation practice even when I didn’t want to get out of bed because I knew that this was going to eventually pass but I needed some supernatural non-human aid of the higher powered variety to help it along.

And just like that it did. After a month of pushing on and feeling my feelings, it happened. I was lifted out of that hole that seemed too deep and too scary and neverending just a few weeks ago.  As this lovely song, now added to my “Play it at the Funeral” playlist, filled me with gratitude. It made me realize that my life, holes and rough patches included, is good. That I am taken care of.  It is full of love and it is all around me. Even when I can’t see it. Especially then, I think.

Inspiration for August 15th: ‘Human Behavior’ by Bjork

they’re terribly moody 
then all of a sudden turn happy
but, oh, to get involved in the exchange
of human emotions is ever so satisfying

Human Behavior, Bjork 1993

Released 19 years ago this summer, ‘Human Behavior’ kicked off a solo music career for Bjork wherein she has often placed her wise , lyrical observations beneath the striking visual and production stylings. Icelandic pixie Bjork might not be everyone’s cup of musical tea but I think most of us can agree with the sentiment behind  the song. Part spooky fairy tale, part thumping dance song, all Bjork, ‘Human Behavior’ both coyly rolls its eyes at and delights in the silly ways people conduct themselves. The sparse but thoughtful lyrics start off with a bang when she opens the song by saying, “If you ever get close to a human and human behaviour, be ready to get confused.” Bjork sings wat we’ve all thought from time to time: people are a pain in the ass and yet that is the very thing is which makes them enjoyable.

We started off the week talking about embracing our monsters so it seems rather fitting our mid-week inspiration has to do with accepting and celebrating others just as they are. This is something I’m practicing a lot lately. Despite my knowing the best possible way for people to live their lives, people continue to do their own thing. How dare they! The bastards! So I enjoy people more if I love them for who they are and not hate them for who they aren’t. I’ll continue that practice today and celebrate all parts of human behavior, including my own. Also, as I write today I’ll keep Bjork’s innovation and creativity in mind and try to come up with my own genius observations on human behavior.