starting here, starting now

Something occurred to when I was sitting in a meeting. Well, two things actually. First of all, I’m craving waffles. Like plain old crispy, buttery waffles with the perfect amount of syrup. But not like fancy vegan gluten-free waffles. Because those don’t sound delicious. They just sound sad. And while I am a proponent of the waffle sandwich, earlier I just wanted a regular waffle. The second thing, and I promise it’s more thought-provoking, is this idea of things getting better. While I am a walking, talking show tune-singing testament to things getting better and I say this to people who are suffering all the time because I also believe it to be true, I think there’s more to it. What if things were already better? What if this mythical time when stuff improved was actually now?

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First of all, everyday that I don’t wake up with a head-pounding hangover and nasal passages clogged with blow is a good one. So if we’re talking comparatively, things are a billion times better. Period. I don’t want to die. I’m not getting kicked out of another apartment and I no longer throw items at the people I love. Success all the way around. This does not mean I’m not allowed to be ambitious or get disappointed or occasionally want to bitch slap someone. What it simply means is that if I’m happy with this moment or at least accepting the moment and grateful for what I do have, the rest of this existence is easier to deal with.

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Then I started realizing, while still not totally paying attention to the meeting but having moved passed the waffle obsession, that ‘it’ getting better isn’t the issue here. I’m the issue! Life, planet Earth, the nature of addiction, the fucked up state of our government- these are all things I cannot change. As much as I’d like our planet to be custom tailored to fit my crazy ass, it isn’t going to happen. I have to get better. More than that I can’t delay happiness or gratitude because things aren’t perfect. Pardon my French but fuck that. Waiting for the non-stop bus to Joy is a waste of time. I’ll walk there my damn self, thank you very much. There’s no reason why I can’t choose happiness right now.

How boring and small-minded to think that my happiness is so fragile that I have to portion in out for moments that are perfect. It’s not stuff or people or life that “makes” me happy or sad. I’m the only one who can embrace happiness and I’m also the only one who can tell it to go screw itself. Things are good. Life is good. And it has been all along. Whether I can see it and enjoy it, that’s up to me. So if you are struggling, feel free to punch me when I sincerely say, “It’ll get better.” And by “it” please know that I mean, you. You will get better.

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9 thoughts on “starting here, starting now

  1. Waking up and having Ethel Merman waiting in my inbox… well, it’s not waffles, but a close second! This is a great post, and just what I needed to start my Thursday. I can’t tell you how many times a thought will start “I can’t wait until…,” the implication being that life will be grand once I don’t have to wait for whatever magical thing happens. Boloney (or is it bologna?). I can choose happiness right now, as I’m drinking my coffee and listening to Ethel…and who wouldn’t be happy doing that?

  2. “And by β€œit” please know that I mean, you. You will get better.”

    Better, not bitter. πŸ™‚

    And you totally made me want a waffle. And since I’m a GRITS (girl raised in the south), I want me some chicken and waffles and ice cream! (Gah, just typing that I think my ass gained five pounds). Thanks a lot Sean.

    Just for that, I’m stealing your Cookie Monster picture. So there. :p

    And in case I haven’t told you this week… I love you and I love your blog.
    xo, c

  3. So loving your blog. And what is it with waffles? I’ve been craving them lately and saw a “recipe” for a waffle/ice cream/strawberry sandwich that almost got me in the car and to the store. Almost.

    Really dig what you said about us getting better, as opposed to ‘it’. The days I’m bent out of shape are farther and fewer between, but they still occur and when they do I find myself focused on things I can’t possibly control. Life does seem to keep getting easier and better as long as I recognize this and work on those things I can change in my daily life.

    • “The days I’m bent out of shape are farther and fewer between, but they still occur and when they do I find myself focused on things I can’t possibly control.” LOVE THIS. It is so true. If I’m pissed off about the state of the world or the way other people behave, my chance at serenity is shot. And yeah, that waffle sandwich sounds amazing. xo, S.

  4. write on!!!! (and my photo could/should be substituted for my secret love – Oatmeal Cookie Monster). Actually you and your blog are excellent substitutes for cookies. “Substitution” was a helword someone

  5. “Substitution” was one of those strategies that made sense to me when first working the program. Pick up the phone instead of a…A run instead of ranting…
    But now I see it is only a THOUGHT that leads me to an expanded feeling of goodness and fun instead of the “almost” same thought I am entitled to because of ….endless fill-in-the-boo-hoo-poor-mes. Substitution. I get it now. Courage to chane the things I can. Duh

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