Eff It Forty

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Seven months into being 40-years-old, something extraordinary has happened: I don’t give a crap. Not in a screw the world, I hate everybody kind of way. But I’m really done with sweating the small stuff, worrying about what people think of me and wasting my time on relationships that are dead ends. The great Laura Hayes, one of the original Queens of Comedy, describes this attitude as ‘Fuck it Forty’. This feels accurate. The things I used to stress out about, the people I used to coddle, the petty garbage that would pollute my mind and waste my time- fuck it. This is an incredible freedom and like a major milestone. They should really tell more people about this when they turn forty. Like they should print cards that say, “Happy 40th birthday! Please enjoy not giving a flying fuck!”

During my last play, the effects of “Fuck it Forty” really reared its liberating head. Flaky friends kept calling, emailing and sending text messages promising they’d be coming to my show. Them not showing up or canceling or making a big deal about getting there    soon became as dramatic as anything we put on stage. And then when they don’t come there’s all these crazy ass apologies and lame excuses. And people always think you’re going to be mad at them, but here’s the thing, thanks to being forty, I don’t care.

Yes, I love them. Yes, I’d like them to see my shows. But really I don’t care. First of all, there will always be another show. Second of all, we sold out most of our run and had lots of people come, so a few flaky friends who couldn’t get their crap together didn’t sink our production. I love the people I know and want to see them but if they don’t show up, it’s no longer a big deal.I no longer hold stuff against them or try to make them pay for not doing exactly what I want them to do.  For a person who spent most of his life worried that you were mad at him or that you hated him or that you were going to leave him, this is indeed an incredible transformation. Maybe its not ‘fuck it’ at all. Maybe its more that after four decades on this planet, the things that are important (my recovery, my relationship, my family, my spiritual life) have risen to the top and the other stuff just isn’t as pressing. Whatever it is, its a welcome shift and worth the number that comes along with it.

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9 thoughts on “Eff It Forty

  1. Right on! More power to you, Mahone. I’m ten years ahead of you, which makes me ten years behind in finally getting this. (How did that happen? I was ahead) Anyway, yeah, in the words of the immortal Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Funk ’em, just to see the look on their face.” All my life I wanted to feel like I had some slack from others, for my inconvenient humanity. So why was I so stingy with doling it out? I think it was Jesus who said, “If you want slack, cut slack.” Or something like that. Now instead of “fuck it all,” I try to forgive it all. Works a little better.
    Really impressed with this thirty blogs in thirty days thing you’re doing too.
    Liberace lavish love,
    Marius

  2. 40 for me was a watershed year. I keep a page on that day on the blog because of what it means to me. But I realized that I just “knew things” we grow up and collect needless data and experiences. But 40 and beyond, I realized I had wisdom. That all that information I had in my brain was useful and that I had something worthwhile to share. You know, like I can look back at life and say “yeah, I was there and I remember when !!!” Sobriety plays into that wisdom because I was sober when I turned 40, some time and that was huge for me. Our wisdom matters, it’s what we do with it now that matters. I turn 46 in July this year.

  3. This kind of happened to me at 30 thanks to the financial crisis, which then led to a personal crisis, which then led to freedom. In my case it was the realization that I didn’t have to meet anyone else’s expectations. I could suddenly just be.

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