High Resolutions

New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Day. New Year’s Resolutions. Barf and double barf to the whole lot. Especially New Years Resolutions. What sick, self-hating soul came up with New Year’s Resolutions? What kind of sadistic freak would set themselves up for an entire year of guilt for not following through on the unrealistic, pie in the sky promises they made to themselves? Surely it had to be someone Catholic.

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Now, I make no bones about my general distaste for New Years. In fact, if this was one of those claymation specials from the 1960s, I would definitely be the evil character who twirls his mustache and bursts into a catchy tune which would outline my diabolical plan to cancel New Years– forever! Cue the evil laughter, sobbing children and sad animals.

nester the long eared christmas donkey

It’s a drunk persons holiday and maybe I’m just a bitter ex-drunk person so that’s why I’m anti-New years . Maybe it’s because the holiday falls right on the joyous time of year wherein I hit rock bottom and it brings up awful memories  Maybe I’m simply a cranky old queen who needs something to dislike and since I now understand the appeal of both Carly Rae Jepsen and American Horror Story, New Years is my new favorite thing to hate. Whatever the case may be, I’m not a fan. As a failed “This time for sure!” relapser who promised himself that 1990-fill in the blank and 2000-whatever would be the year(s) that he finally stopped smoking, doing drugs, drinking and lying and generally being a delusional dipshit, resolutions really churn my stomach.

For years, I thought I needed to go hiking more or do more yoga or journal more to fix myself. Yeah. The only problem with those plans is that hiking, yoga and journaling are really hard to do when you wake up 7 days a week with a hangover hand-delivered from Satan himself. I learned over and over again that having the resolve or the good intention or even seeing the right “Live Your Best Life” segment on Oprah were not enough. It was going to take something major if I wanted my life to really change and get better. So on January 2nd, 2009 I made a promise to myself. But a different one. I promised I’d actually try and do whatever it took to stay sober. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I thought I wouldn’t make it. Never drinking after work? Never drinking at lunch? Never drinking period? These were hard promises to keep especially for a guy who couldn’t even finish the Alchemist or never watched all of The Secret. Against the not-so-great odds, I kept this promise. Not because I’m remarkable or some kind of will power ninja. All I did was ask for help and change everything.

Incredibly, this is my fourth New Year’s without a hangover. I sit here on my couch after an early morning shift volunteering helping other drunken disasters. My cat and I watched the sun come up. I’ve even changed my mind about New Year’s Eve a little too. I spent mine with my husband watching a Face Off marathon and eating German Chocolate cake as the fireworks from downtown exploded outside our window.  I even make tiny one-day at a time type of resolutions too. But they’re not about depriving myself or beating myself up. I like to resolve to do more of what I already love. Like more reading. More long walks. More learning. More  trying of things I’ve always been afraid to try. More love and less fear. More recovery. More writing. More change. More art and theatre. More happiness. More of you guys and your brilliant thoughts.

So in that spirit, what good stuff do want to cultivate more of in 2013? Inspire me in the comments section below. And I mean this when I say it, Happy New Year!

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8 thoughts on “High Resolutions

  1. I love your resolution….do more of what I already love. Totally going to steal that and unlike past year’s resolutions, I already feel like I’ve got a good head start and am not setting myself p for failure. So with that, I’m going to do more outside to fully enjoy colorado’s beauty! Thanks, Sean…lfor the good reading and awesome outlook on life.

  2. I’m so glad you asked! My husband asked me a similar question this morning. I gave him a grumpy response about how I don’t believe in making resolutions. It wasn’t until I read your post that I realized how much I hate New Year’s Eve. I acted like NYE is nonexistent on my own blog. While I read your post I actually said “HELL YEAH” out loud and pumped my fist in the air. NYE is a “drunk person’s holiday” and I am a bitter “ex-drunk” so it’s a holiday that is definitely not for me! So in answer to your question I want to continue to cultivate better habits 2013 and learn what life looks like sober. I didn’t realize how many things are super boring without wine! I am new to this sobriety thing. I hope it gets better from here.

    • Thanks for reading and for dropping by! I air fist pump you right back, my fellow holiday hater. Yeah NYE is total amateur hour and when it comes to drinking I’m most certainly a professional.Too bad it’s a crappy profession that never pays and pretty much robs your soul.
      Congrats on sobriety, btw!! It’s a never ending rollercoaster and at times a crazy one but still better than living every day in a fog and filled with self-hate. Besides I know exactly what everyday looks like when I’m loaded. But living sober is always a surprise. Here’s to better habits and to life getting better! – S.

  3. The only New Year resolution I’ve been able to keep is not to make any more. Well, seanpaulmahoney here we are, all sober and shit. Against some pretty stiff odds, too. We are miracle men. Speaking of far-fetched miracles, the founder of The Seventh Day Adventist Church, Ellen G. White, in order to reconcile her anti-alcohol beliefs with Christ’s first miracle at the wedding feast at Cana, claimed that he didn’t turn water into wine, but into a delicious, non-alcoholic grape juice. (!!!) If that really was his first miracle, the second one had to be getting out of that party alive. Happy New Year, my friend.

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