Coming Soon! But Not Soon Enough.

Every summer when I was a kid, comic books would have big full-color ads for the new crappy 80’s cartoons. The Smurfs! The Trollkins! The Snorks!  The Littles! All essentially the same cartoon and  all coming soon to Saturday morning! I’d hang onto whatever comic book it was so I’d know when the new shows were starting. This innocent issue of Betty and Veronica or She-Hulk soon bore the burden of becoming my all-knowing resource and guidepost for Saturday morning entertainment. I would check and recheck the dates almost daily. The anticipation was unbearable and senseless. Like why couldn’t the cartoons start in the summer? Why did we have to wait until fall?

As an addicted person, I’ve spent most of my life screaming at instant gratification to “Hurry the hell up!’ It’s beyond ironic that someone as inpatient as myself waited tables for so many years. Ha! Ha! Universe! Good one! The guy who couldn’t stand waiting in line at the grocery store spent over a decade reassuring hungry customers, “Your order will be right out.” Waiting tables can taught me a lot about patience and understanding. But mainly it taught me that people suck when they haven’t eaten. And in Los Angeles some of them have eaten in decades so you can imagine how crabby they are.Naturally, I again find myself waiting. Not tables, thank God. This blog would be replaced with a suicide note if that was the case.Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for the experience and happy I had the work for as long as I did. But being almost 40 and working in some diner still telling people, “Your order will be right out” seems like my personal idea of hell.

The annoying little tickle in the back of my head that’s coming soon and driving me a little bit crazy is the fact that I will be turning 40 at the end of November. Here’s the truth. I’ve been having a 40 freak out. Not in a get myself a 22-year-old boy toy, a convertible and some hair plugs kind of way. But I definitely feel some pressure to get some nagging goals accomplished and to get my proverbial shit together. I mean I’m trying to live some bumper sticker like “Forty is the New 20!” or “Forty & Fierce!” But I actually  feel like “Fuck?! Forty?! Really?” The upswing is that a lot of positive things have happened. Some writing goals have been reached, new spiritual practices are in place and I’ve gotten myself a sparkling set of teeth after going through some dental hell earlier this year. Now I just kind of wish 40 would get here. Not because it’s going to be mind-bending in its awfulness or awesomeness. But because I want it to be over. I’m having a big party and some friends and family from out-of-town will be here. It’ll be great and then on December 1st, I’ll just be another 40-year-old who gets to look forward to freaking out about turning 50-coming soon!

And yet the giant cosmic bitch slap of all of this is I really have a lot to enjoy right now.Living in the future makes me miss the incredible things currently happening in my life.  From playing fetch with my cat while I drink my coffee to my impending stroll around the farmer’s market, things right here at 957am MST on September 15th, 2012 are pretty damn great.  Besides, I need to remember that most of the things that are “coming soon” usually turn out to be not that big of a deal.

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4 thoughts on “Coming Soon! But Not Soon Enough.

  1. I turned 40 eight years ago. I realized the first 20 years established the first half of my life, so I decided the next 20 years would set up the last half of my life.
    I took the mountain of things I’d learned from my mistakes, and I applied them to the goal of reinventing myself. I went back to college, but at a pace where I’m not killing myself. I went there initially to take the English, and writing courses. I discovered I have a knack of science, and while I have taken all of the English classes I am now a science major.
    The big thing about your 40s is understanding you’ve escaped that imaginary race we all seem to start running our sophomore year in high school, and keep running into our 30s. You’ve figured out how to take care of the little stuff by now, and as the big things come you will automatically roll with them.
    You’ll still have those crappy days, and you will still throw a fit here and there, but you’ll start to laugh a lot more too. You haven’t seen it all, but you’ve seen a lot of it. So keep doing the stuff you love, stop doing the stuff you hate (where you can), and look for new adventures.

    Happy Birthday!

  2. Love the piece, Mahone, even though I can’t relate to a single thing. yep. I have never impatiently waited for something thinking it would fix everything, and when it didn’t, switched to something else. But, I have seen this happen, to a friend of mine. Ah, what a quick swing from morning cartoons to sex surrogates it is.
    Turning 50 is no problem. It’s everything after that. I picked up some mail at my mom’s shortly after my birthday, and was thrilled to see an invitation to join AARP. From card-carrying anarchist, to carrying a card that gives me a 10% discount on hearing tests and gout screenings.
    One more brutal realization came when some friends and I went to see a Led Zeppelin “tribute” band play at the Thousand Oaks Civic Center. I looked at the crowd, and it was definitely leaning geriatric. It looked like the audience for some cruise ship’s musical dance extravaganza night.. “Why are all these old farts here to see a Zep cover band?” I thought. “Because these are your peers,” the answer came. It’s moments like those that I’m glad I don’t keep revolvers around anymore.
    Anyway,thanks for getting older with me. We both tried the alternative and it sucked. Onward, upward, inward, and out!

    • Awesome comment and you’re right. The alternative is not pretty. So embracing my Fortyness is a better way to deal for sure. Besides, people like you make 50 seem rocking so I at least have to hang on for that! And I had “:that” experience when my cousin and I went to a goth club and everyone there looked like old, crusty vampires. I was about to make fun of them and then I realized they were all my age. oops!

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