Rhymes with Attitude

It’s all a little overwhelming right now. My play is about to open. I recently married the man of my dreams. My health is pretty darn good and everyone in my life is incredibly happy for me. Things are beyond fine and that just isn’t okay.

Yet it’s those two words above, “thank you” that thwart my self-sabotaging tendencies. On the days where I remember to be thankful and write a gratitude list, I just feel better.  I have beloved recovery friends who moan and roll their eyes whenever gratitude comes up in a meeting. “Since when was being grateful one of the steps?” they snort.  And I get it. I know how cloying it can be when someone spews endlessly about how grateful they are that they’re sober, that they found a parking space, that somebody brought cookies to the meeting, that the Earth is round. But it’s true- drunks and addicts have a lot to be thankful for. And that’s why it’s annoying.  In fact most of the things that piss me off are usually true. If I have to think about how good my life is and then give thanks for not being dead or a drunk or in a relationship where I communicate by throwing household items, than I don’t get to wallow. Living in gratitude means I can’t attend my own pity party. And that’s too bad. I throw a great pity party. Fantastic caterers, fabulous music, and one guest who hates his perfectly awesome life.

The practice is also very useful during times like now when I could easily slip into a “Gee, aren’t I terrific?!” type of self reliance which always spells disaster. I need to be reminded that something bigger than me is at work and responsible for all the amazing gifts I’m lucky enough to receive.  As much as I play the entitled jerk, it isn’t lost on me how blessed I am.

Therefore, it occurs to me that you should be thanked too. I’ve been doing this blog for a month and some 30 odd readers (and to follow me you must be odd) have made me laugh, encouraged my writing, told me I wasn’t alone and yes even inspired me. So thank you. I’m truly grateful we found each other.

 

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8 thoughts on “Rhymes with Attitude

  1. Well, if you don’t have to say “thank you”, than I don’t have to condescend to say “you’re welcome”!

    You’re right; it IS hard to be grateful sometimes when you want to focus on the “have-not” areas of your life, and it’s also hard to stay humble when you’re feeling ga-ga over the “have” areas.

    Good luck, again, on your play. I (and your other oddball subscribers, I’m sure) look forward to reading your posts about it. Much success to you, and more reasons to be (crankily) thankful!

    • And thank you!! Your comments are usually more brilliant and insightful than my blogs. Do I need to start paying you for making my blog seem more coherent than it actually is? lol.
      I’ll be posting more about the play for sure as I’m positive it’s imminent arrival is bound to be the catalyst of more crazy thoughts.

  2. I haven’t quite reached the stage you’re in, with your 3 years under your belt (today is my day #23). People refer to the “pink cloud” in meetings all of the time. What I’m feeling isn’t a pink cloud. I’ve craved, I’ve had bad days, I’ve really wanted to drink. But I still sometimes figuratively pinch myself cause I can’t believe this life, this sober happy life, is MY life.

    I told my previous sponsor the other day that it is just so freakin’ cool that no only is God in control, but that he actually lets me actively participate in my own happiness. I think that’s kinda neat, cause he’s, you know, God, he doesn’t need little ol’ me for anything.

    Thank YOU also for reading my ramblings. I enjoy yours! 🙂

    • G- That is awesome! Thank you, seriously, for sharing. It takes a lot of guts to embark on the journey you’re on and 23 days without a drink is a long ass time!!! Shit. 23 hours is a long time. I didn’t have a pink cloud until my second year. But like you, despite feeling crappy and dealing with drama, I knew I was better off than when I was drinking. And I’m with you- God can take control of this crazy ship. Clearly, I’m no good at driving it and happier when I let him do his thang. Thanks again for popping by.

  3. Is the word “platitude?” LOL

    Anyway the self sabotaging ways you mention are explored in one of my favorite quotes: “There is no trap greater than the one you set yourself.”

    Last year I was setting up and falling into my own epic traps subconsciously. My psychiatrist and I dived deep into my mind and figured out what I was doing. From that experience I learned and want to share this:

    Be aware of how you set up things in your life: people, relationships, work and your own actions. And always keep the goal of whatever in mind. Don’t stray too far.

    oh… and your welcome! LOL I think this comment was a bit deep and long winded.

    • Long winded? No way! It was much needed. Thanks for sharing your experience. Keeping the goal in mind is so key. I get so caught up in what others are going to think or what could happen that I lose sight of what the intention was. So thanks for the reminder.

  4. When I read this I had a mental picture from the Allie Mcbeal show. She’s standing with her hands on a desk, head slumped shaking her head back and forth whimpering & says, “I am not equipped, I’m just not equipped”. Someone asks her what’s wrong?!

    To which she replys, “Nothing, absolutely nothing, & I can’t handle it.”(whining tone)… I GET That.

    … and I get this post!

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