I was recently told by a new friend that I have a, “larger than life personality” which could be a passive aggressive way of calling me obnoxious. But this friend meant it as a good thing. I’m embarking on a new (and pardon the theatrical puns from here on out) stage of my writing career. My first play opens next Friday!
The thing is, I’ve had to rely on my big ass personality recently to get press interested and to sell myself. Even though I’m the playwright I am also the PR guru for the theater company. So with other shows I try to get people interested in the “story” not only the plot of the play but the story that could potentially run on their website, blog or publication. However, with this show, I am also selling my product – the play and me as a writer. The crazy thing is.. people are actually interested in both! This is proof of serious progress because I couldn’t ever really sell myself before. Sure I could sweet talk my way into a gig but when I fell short or fell out of favor, the jig would be up. Nobody ever really “bought” what I was selling because I didn’t really buy it myself. I was pretty dang miserable for a long time and it became increasingly more difficult to convince myself otherwise. So this is where the progress sticks out like a sore thumb- I actually like the product I’m selling! I’m incredibly proud of the play and proud of actually finishing something I said I would do. It’s been a longtime dream to have a play written and performed and now it’s happening. Terrific.
The writing process was not easy but that’s primarily because I’m a pain in the ass. My self-destructive mind kept wanting to quit in the middle or sabotage the whole affair with crazy drama. Today somebody in the meeting referred to the steps as “stages” like longer life experiences, instead of tasks. I like that and think my stage currently is one of continued and increased spiritual upkeep. It isn’t pretty having an ego that tells you that you’re either God or complete caca and nothing in between. In order to achieve some kind of middle ground, I have to continue to do the work and fully embrace the stages and steps and seasons of my life. Did I just kind of quote Stevie Nicks there? Anyway, my point is ( and I’m nearly positive I have one) is that thanks to recovery from alcoholism and addiction I can be both happy and proud of my progress and open and willing to make even more changes. Unlike my play which is now the actors’ and director’s problem child to deal with and nurture, my story continues to belong to me. I know through experience that only way that story gets better is if I continue to get better.