Which Came First- The Drunk Chicken or the Gay Egg?

I’ve heard it hinted at in meetings and have seen people struggle with being both gay and an addict or alcoholic. And we’ve even talked about here before a little.  But I have often wondered if the two have anything to do with one another. Am I an addict in response to my gayness or was I an alcoholic long before I realized I was gay or vice versa?

I am positive that the exact order of these traits is not really important but still I can’ t  help wondering if one made me more predisposed to the other. Now, I am certain that I have a century of alcoholism in my family tree. Does having an alcoholism in my family make me an alcoholic automatically? No but it certainly made it easier to become one. By the way, I’m a freelance writer, playwright and publicist so take my sociological and psychological babblings for a grain of salt. But studies from non-goofballs have linked genetics and alcoholism so let’s just assume I was at the very least at risk for becoming alcoholic before I was born.Now being gay boils down to genetics too, I believe anyway. I feel like I didn’t choose either one and maybe that’s the answer to my question right there.

Right before I had one year of sobriety, I was with my parents in Arizona. My mom asked me if there was anything they could have done as parents that would have made my life easier. It was a legitimate, albite loaded, question considering the year I had- getting sober and finding out I was HIV positive. I had to think about it and had to think about her feelings. Were there times I felt unloved when I was a kid? Sure. Were there situations I wish never happened in my childhood? You bet. But would I change any of that? And my answer to her was “No.” I honestly feel like being an alcoholic and contracting HIV and surviving abusive relationships and facing my demons were just what I had to do. No it hasn’t been a non-stop hilarious party and big chunks of my life could even accurately be described as shitty. But I have to believe it has all been for something. Maybe I’m here to help other gay drunk HIV positive people have a laugh. Maybe I’m here to keep learning and facing demons. I don’t know.

I do know that we all have to work with the “gifts” we have, regardless of what order we got them in. And if I’m really lucky I’ll have a lot of chances to become the best possible gay, HIV positive, recovering alcoholic that I can be.

 

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5 thoughts on “Which Came First- The Drunk Chicken or the Gay Egg?

  1. wow. this is incredible! I can laugh with you at some dark fu… Dark stuff.

    I love this. I REALLY appreciate the link to the genetic studies. THAT is a kicker. I have friends who have wondered the same, “Gay First, Alcoholic First??” Your last line sums it up; doesn’t matter just be the best damn_______ you can be.

    Wishing you Peace and Health! and thank you for the dark giggles.

    Jen

    • Thanks, Jen!! Laughter is a total gift so I’m glad we were able to share with each other. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to survive without it.
      Thank you, by the way, for your own honesty and spirit on your blog. I’ve been reading it and enjoying.

      hearts,

      Sean

  2. Well, I’m a straight alcoholic, but I still can enjoy your posts!

    There’s an awful lot of stuff we don’t choose in our lives, but we get that stuff regardless. Sexual orientation, interests, sense of humor, vices–it really is amazing how many variables are out there that make any person the person they are, and it’s equally amazing to explore those differences in each other. Unless you explore and find someone’s a complete douche, of course!

    • Good points all the way around. Hopefully, as I personally evolve I can knock down lines of gender or race or sexual orientation or diseases in respects to the people I hang out with and am interested in. I look for survivors and people who can laugh and not what they are on the outside when I look for quality folks. So far the readers of this blog (yourself included) fit that bill.
      But you’re right–doucheyness knows no boundaries and if someone’s a tool, they’re simply a tool.

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