Maybe it’s not the holidays that suck. Maybe it’s me.

I seriously over planned what I was doing for my first holiday season sober. I made arrangements to leave Los Angeles and spend ten days in Arizona at my parent’s house. There I would hide out and wouldn’t be tempted to get drunk or do drugs. Yet little did I know, I didn’t need to go to all that effort. The fact was, the program was really working and I wasn’t in danger of relapsing. My sponsor at the time told me, “Boo, you don’t need to worry about the holidays. You need to worry about Tuesday.” He was trying to get me to see that I could relapse any day of the week if I wasn’t actively treating my disease and it wasn’t just Christmas or New Year’s that was going to trigger it. Also, I was starting to see that it wasn’t people or days of the week or stuff that made me get drunk. The cause for most of my problems was me. Figuring this out sucked actually. If I’m the problem, then that means I can’t blame anybody else? Lame. But seriously, it’s liberating now that I’ve accepted that the only person “out to get me” is me.  And despite hiding out during my first Christmas sober, I really had a great time. I baked cookies with my mom and watched movies with my dad and generally made the decision to enjoy myself without alcohol or drama.

So today I know that holidays or train rides or Tuesdays are just as wonderful or miserable as I decide they will be.